Today has been a mentally hard day.

Today has been a rough day, mentally. Even though I try hard not to read the news, with the internet it’s hard not to know what is going on in the world. Suicides happening, the #metoo movement has brought abusive relationships to light. It all brings many things to surface that I try hard to keep buried. It is scary how easy it is to be gaslighted or emotionally torn down. This is not a secluded subject. It is more common than we like to think. This is also not something that is isolated to one group. This happens to […]

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We continue again…

I keep imagining those little clips after a tv show had a cliffhanger. “Last week on _____.” The end of 2008 I wanted to start school again. My dad had a Master’s degree and dammit, I wanted one too. I fought hard to convince Mike that I can go to school, go to work, and focus on him. As I look back, he never had concern if I could take care of my girls at the same time. I received my Bachelor’s in Computer Science and my Master’s in Computer Networking. For every time that I needed to do homework, […]

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Continuation again…

I feel like the next chapter in my life started right under my nose. Much like one therapist has told me a few years back, is that Mike had a plan and I didn’t. Mike, my ex, moved into my house the beginning of May 2006. I can’t honestly say why he moved in or when exactly. I just know that he was over a lot while I was at the hospital visiting my dad. That month was such a blur for me. My dad was dying of lung cancer and I was having a hard time dealing with it. […]

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The continuation…

This is going to be such a long post. This is also a three part post. There should be a cup of coffee and a croissant involved with reading this. I won’t apologize for I really do need to get all this off my chest. Do you ever spell a word, it’s spelled correctly although you swear it’s misspelled? That happens to me all the time, even though I’m pretty good at spelling. Comprehension has always been a bit of something I have to apply myself towards. Reading almost always consists of having a dictionary, or now my phone, close […]

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The Primitive Brain

In basic terms, Post-Traumatic_Stress Disorder or PTSD is the brain’s normal reaction to extreme trauma. I’ve had some tell me in the past to not listen to my demons. Those voices that sometimes sound very tempting to follow. See, those demons were often the only ones comforting me when no one else was around. As I got older I began to see the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of these voices. These demons helped me to abandon myself when I couldn’t take things any longer. They were like those screwed up friends that had your back when you needed them. […]

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Where do I start in my writing…

With therapy, I’m to talk about much of my past, or traumas, or whatever anyone likes to call it. Journaling is supposed to be a way to get things out. The problem is that I don’t like to talk about things and would rather keep all that stuff in the dark, dusty part of my brain. Apparently, that is bad for you. Although I never know how to begin to talk about things. How does one start talking? I have watched many extroverts in how they begin their conversations. As it is very natural to them, for when I try […]

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