Mother dearest. Part II

I’m so confused right now. After my mom has told me that she doesn’t know/have my birth certificate… she called me up today. I didn’t get the call. Ok, I was scared to pick it up so I let the voicemail get it. In the voicemail, she said, “This is your mother, I mailed the package. Tracking number ‘bunch of numbers.’ Bye.” Um, ok, uh, thank you?

I guess that it says something that she actually sent me my birth certificate. She didn’t say what the package is though I’m assuming her cryptic message means that she sent my birth certificate. What do I actually think here? I mean, I can never get an inkling of positive thought here because it never turns out well. Though her robotic, cryptic voicemail does make me giggle. A little. I can find some dry humor in that except, not so much cause she was serious in her message since she never jokes around with me.

I’m just so confused. Her behavior baffles me. I’m usually good at reading people, but I can’t really read her. I can but I can’t. If that makes any sense. When it comes to my mom I’m so afraid of sounding crazy. I question my own sanity and reality. I’m having a hard time writing. My thoughts are jumbled. I was thinking clearly earlier, but now?

I had to drive to the store after this voicemail since I couldn’t buy red wine last night for my spaghetti sauce tonight. Where I live you can’t buy alcohol on Sunday. I think my Bug had a problem with me driving 30mph in a 40mph zone. I just kept zoning out. Hey, at least I did not get yelled at by the cashier at Walmart again. Last time I bought red wine, I had Lexi with me, and we were at the self-checkout. I needed assistance for the wine and the cashier just came up to us and started saying that we couldn’t buy the wine. I was confused and asked why and she started yelling that we can’t buy the wine. I can feel my PTSD getting triggered so I asked if I can just show her my ID. She said again that we can’t buy the wine. “Ma’am, I’m 42 and this is my daughter. Can I please show my ID?” Geez, I just want to go make my spaghetti sauce.

I had a better time this time around. I don’t think my mind is currently in the right place. My mom confuses me to the point where I just don’t know what to think or what to do. Time has completely flown by since I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, staring at my computer. I probably sound erratic right now. I’m going to take my iPad and sit on the couch and surf through Pinterest cause that is all my mind can handle at the moment.

I’m sorry this post does not make much sense.