Organized Chaos

I write so little that I believe every time I write, it’s randomness. My hands hurt a bit today, but I still want to write. I have been trying to stay on top of my schedule and todo list and journal. I’m doing alright. Still feel a bit overwhelmed.

I have started to try to organize my things. I do love organizing. It’s the time that I need to find to do the organizing. I was thinking of doing the KonMari of cleaning. I think that may be possible. I’m not so sure about my clothes though. I mean, I suck at shopping for clothes. They will have holes in them before I even think of replacing them. No, others usually get so tired of looking at my holey jeans and buy me a pair. I have two new pairs of jeans given to me for Christmas. 🙂 My daughter says I need to get rid of the hole-ridden jeans that I still wear from high school. I love those jeans. Do they spark joy? Eh. I worry about the spark joy aspect of this cleaning method.

We should backtrack. I grew up as a military child. Dad was in the Navy and it was just my mom and me for large chunks of time. My dad was a clean person. He was minimalistic. Though he wasn’t minimalistic towards me. I think he felt guilty being away so much. My mom was an extremist when it comes to clean. So much so that you don’t dare have something left out, she may throw it away. I have had homework thrown away because I left it on the table as I went to the bathroom. There have been nights of me cleaning off my paper of food or whatever was in the trash can and drying them on a chair in my closet. What was strange is that she would have these episodes of shopping or collecting things… then another episode of getting rid of everything that she bought or collected.

The problem would lie to where my dad, who didn’t worry about money and pretty easy going to where he didn’t mind if you went shopping crazy, never said anything about these episodes.

So I would get things, and then if my mom is in the mood, these things would be thrown away. So I don’t put a lot of emotion into my things. I feel guilty for having things or not wanting to part with stuff. As in, I will have something I like, but then fear that I have too much stuff or that it’s looking too cluttered and throw it away. With clothes, I don’t even have any attachment. Well, maybe except for my jeans from high school. Though I can honestly say that about 95% of my clothes do not bring me joy. I can’t throw them out since I kind of need the clothes cause I don’t have many and not wanting to be running around town with no clothes on. I own two pairs of good jeans… the ones I got for Christmas. I just bought a few sweaters from Walmart since my older sweaters are getting too worn. Don’t get me started on my shirts. I’d throw them all out if I had replacement shirts.

I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to organize my things when my first reaction is to throw many of the stuff away. How does one start to have joy in their things? Ok, my art supplies, pens, stationery, etc., I have a hard time parting with. Maybe I should take the joy I feel from them and try to apply them to my other belongings? Whenever I do this I will say how this all works out.

Oh, and WordPress… having to type this in HTML code format because your new blocks layout is dysfunctional, is annoying at best.