Taco Tuesday

It just occurred to me that we had tacos on Taco Tuesday. I need a solid state drive. My computer takes a bit to load from startup. It reminds me of dial-up internet. When you started the connection and left the room to make a sandwich, then go to the bathroom, then maybe danced around the room for a bit until your internet was connected. That’s my computer right now. I look over at Tommy’s computer, the just-upgraded computer with his solid state drive and that computer would be up and running before I can even think of leaving the room to make a sandwich. Strawberry jelly sounds good right now. Being that time of the month, I’m a bit hungrier at the moment.

In other news, did you know that Rhianna has a new makeup line? I ask because in the last week all I have been seeing all over social media and the internet is her new line of makeup. With only looking at the pics and reading reviews, I like the highlighters, the matted foundation probably won’t work on my dry skin, and I’m not into contouring. So that is my “haven’t-tried-it-review.”

I have my therapy appointment tomorrow morning. I actually made notes on what we talked about in therapy last week. Mostly so I can remember to read my “20 memorization techniques” packet that I know she will ask me about. I did read it by the way. Today. I read it today. I think I know where some of my memory problems may lie. The one word in English that I don’t like to use cause it looks wrong in a sentence.. “lie.” Not as in lying, but as in the infinitive form of “lay.”

I like therapy but it’s hard sometimes. I really try to control my disassociation, especially when I have to talk about things. I try to cover it up also. That I have disassociated, though she can see when it’s happening. She has been having me do grounding techniques to help bring me back. When therapy is done I often have to sit in my car for a bit before driving. I can’t drive while disassociated. Being in that state makes me very confused and confusion and driving don’t exactly mix.

Last week we talked about my fears. Most aren’t rational. I live close to a major freeway route so travelers in our little town are normal. One fear is that of someone, that knows me, traveling to my town and finding me and hurting me. I know that having Walmart’s roof cave in while I’m shopping is more likely to happen, but it still scares me sometimes. We also talked about my relationship with my mom. Maybe, later on, I will get more into that.

Tomorrow, if I remember correctly, we are going to talk about panic attacks and the memory techniques. The memory technique packet is a good read. There are some good insights on how we memorize things and what could work. A few of the techniques that stood out are; creating associations to what you are trying to memorize, learn actively as in standing up and walking around while reading what you are memorizing and being aware of the attitude you have towards the subject. The most important thing I read was that most of tend to say or tell ourselves that we have a bad memory, can’t remember things or being scatterbrained. This negativity is self-fulfilling. We should change this with more positive affirmations that support us in developing our memory; by saying, “it will come to me,” “I never forget,” or “my memory serves me well.” I see it as kind of a reverse-psychology thing.