It’s a gloomy, rainy day, and I love it. The rain always brings me a sense of calm. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the sun, but there’s something peaceful about the quiet, gray sky and the steady sound of rain. It feels cozy, too. I’ve got a cup of coffee by my side and I’m settling in to start coding for the day. I keep feeling like I’m forgetting something—oh, right! Laundry. Maybe I’ll have Karissa start it, and I’ll finish it later.
The kids are up, and I’m watching them parade up and down the hall, drifting in and out of their room. I have no idea what they’re doing, but all the back-and-forth is pretty entertaining. I usually take a break around this time anyway—once they’re up, they always stop by the office to say good morning and chat for a bit. It’s easier to pause than to fight through the distractions.
My head, though, is not on my side today. Intrusive thoughts keep slipping in, pulling me away from coding and making it hard to focus. On top of that, I’m starting to feel hungry. I took my antibiotics without food this morning, and surprisingly, my stomach didn’t complain—but now it’s catching up to me. Lunch is still an hour away.
I need to reschedule my ENT appointment because it’s on a Tuesday, and that day just doesn’t work for me. Of course, the thought of calling to change it has already set off a mini panic attack. Phone calls always make me anxious—even simple ones. My brain turns something straightforward into something much bigger than it is. Since the appointment is still a little way off, part of me keeps wanting to put the call off until tomorrow. But I’d really rather just get it over with and stop stressing.
So, I called. They transferred me to the ENT department, but no one picked up. I’m feeling both frustrated and relieved. Frustrated because now I’ll have to go through the whole panic cycle again when I call back, but relieved that I didn’t actually have to talk to anyone this time. Maybe I just caught them at lunch—it was right before noon. Either way, I’ll try again later.
I just checked my Goodreads reading challenge, and I’m nine books behind schedule. My goal was 20 books this year, but I’ve only managed to read four. Four books all year—what happened? Clearly, I need to start reading more.
I do have a book sitting on my desk, though it’s a cybersecurity one. It’s Tommy’s, but I figured I could read it here and there when he’s not using it. Still, I’d really like to find something that feels more like a “reading for fun” book. I browsed Goodreads a bit earlier and added a few titles to my TBR, so maybe I’ll start there.
I called the ENT office back, and unfortunately, the doctor is only available on Mondays and Tuesdays, which makes it really difficult for me to schedule. They wanted me to reschedule anyway since I had to move my CT scan, and they require it to be at least two weeks before the appointment. The next available date they gave me is Monday, October 20th, but I already know I won’t be able to make that one either. It’s just so frustrating trying to get this scheduled. I’m going to call back later and see if I can get an earlier time in the day.
Tommy told me to try scheduling in the morning or later in the day. I called back, but after being on hold for 45 minutes, the call dropped. I’ll try again tomorrow. I’m feeling a little better now, though. I also realize I haven’t really written much today, but that’s alright. On Saturday, we’re going to a birthday party, which should be fun. Plus—cake! Any excuse for cake, right? Chris’s birthday is coming up in a few days—perfect timing for another slice!
Merlin’s curled up inside while the rain starts outside. I’m about to make myself a cup of matcha and wrap up my coding for the day.
