Last night, I noticed the sky looked oddly red, almost like a sunset lingering too long. At first, I couldn’t figure out the cause, but since the lights weren’t coming from the west, I was puzzled by the red sky. Later, I discovered it was actually the Aurora Borealis. It’s wild to think we’re seeing them this far south due to a severe magnetic storm. The colors were surreal, shifting between deep red and soft green along the bottom, making the whole sky feel alive. Apparently, the storm might continue, so there’s a good chance we’ll see the Northern Lights again tonight.
Tommy didn’t go to work yesterday because he had a Veterans Day concert to perform in. It was a really good concert, with many guest speakers and plenty of patriotic songs. They even played each of the military service branches’ theme songs. I didn’t know the U.S. Space Force had one – but apparently, they do. After the concert, we went to Carl’s Jr. for lunch. We couldn’t decide where to go, so we just settled on that. Once we got home, we relaxed for a bit before getting started on my desk project. We actually made good progress on it.
I have therapy today at 2. I didn’t even realize it until my watch reminded me. I had checked my calendar on Monday to see what was on my schedule this week, but I must have completely forgotten about it. I’m not even sure what to talk about today – maybe my lack of focus. I’ve had a hard time concentrating and getting things done, especially studying. I even almost forgot to charge my laptop this morning for my session later.
I have therapy today, and part of me really doesn’t want to go. It’s not that I dislike therapy – it’s more that I can’t shake this feeling that they’re pushing me out because I’m doing better. And I get it – progress is supposed to mean moving forward – but it still feels a bit like being kicked out. There’s this mix of pride and sadness, like I’ve reached a milestone but also lost something that’s been a steady part of my support system.
But if I’m being honest, writing in my journal has been helping me more lately than therapy has. When I write, I can take my time to sort through my thoughts without feeling rushed or worried about how they sound out loud. It gives me space to be completely honest, to explore what I’m feeling without judgment. I think part of it is that journaling feels more natural – it’s on my own terms, and I can come back to it whenever I need to. Therapy still helps, but lately, the act of writing has felt more grounding, more like I’m actually hearing myself.
I can feel my anxiety building as the time for therapy gets closer. It’s like this quiet tension that starts in the background and slowly grows louder the nearer the appointment gets. Part of me knows I’ll probably feel better afterward, but right now, the anxiety itself feels heavy, like I’m bracing for something I can’t quite name.
We did my three-month assessment in therapy today. The results showed that my depression is low, which is definitely a good thing and something I’m proud of. However, my anxiety is still high – especially with the holidays coming up. It always seems to spike around this time of year. There’s just so much to think about and so many little things to worry over. I find myself stressing about Thanksgiving and Christmas, wondering if I’ll be able to get everything done. I worry about preparing Thanksgiving dinner on time, making sure all the dishes turn out right, and baking all the pies everyone looks forward to. It’s like the pressure to make everything perfect starts building weeks in advance, and I can already feel it weighing on me.
It’s funny, though, because we didn’t talk about what we discussed two weeks ago – about me possibly switching to once-a-month sessions. I didn’t bring it up this time since we were focused on the assessment, but it’s still on my mind. I’m thinking maybe I’ll stick with my regular every-two-weeks schedule for now and revisit the idea at the beginning of the year. That might be a better time to try transitioning to once a month.
Alright, I need to run to the store and grab the stuff for dinner – we’re having chili tonight. I’m just waiting for Alex to finish his mission in his game so we can go. Hopefully it doesn’t take forever; last time I waited an hour for him to finish his game.
