I’m sitting here staring at a blank screen again, trying to figure out what the heck to write. The cursor just blinks back at me like it’s waiting for something I’m not sure I have yet. This morning has been quiet and a little scattered. I’ve been reading my cybersecurity book, getting through a few pages at a time, then pausing to check on Everest.
Chris says he fixed the fence and wants to test it out, see if she can stay in the yard without escaping. I want to trust that it’s fine, but I can feel that low-level anxiety in me. Every few minutes, I find myself getting up to check on her, just to make sure she’s still there. It breaks my concentration in a way that’s hard to ignore. I’ll start to get into what I’m reading, then that thought creeps in, what if she got out again? and I’m pulled right back out of it.
Part of me really just wants to bring her inside, even if she’s a little bored, just so I can have a few solid hours where my mind isn’t split in two. It’s that constant tug between wanting her to be happy and wanting a bit of peace to focus.
Mentally, though, I can tell I’m doing a little better today. I don’t feel as depressed or confused. I don’t feel as lost in it or as overwhelmed. It’s more like a lingering fog than a storm.
Focus is a bit of a struggle, not just because of the dogs, but because my mind keeps drifting. I’ll read a paragraph and realize I didn’t absorb any of it, as my eyes moved, but my brain didn’t follow. It’s frustrating.
I just got a text and email reminder for a therapy appointment at 3 today, and I completely forgot about it. I checked my calendar, and it’s not even there. So that’s great. It feels like my whole day keeps getting interrupted while I’m trying to study. Chris stopped by to get Everest, Kel needed the mail key, and now the kids are doing chores. None of it is bad on its own, but it’s a lot of little distractions when I’m already struggling to focus.
I guess I can try to shift my mindset a bit. Maybe therapy will actually help, even if it caught me off guard. Right now, it just feels like I got blindsided by it.
Ok, therapy was alright. We talked about the parole hearing. What happened, what I thought about it. I will get more into what I thought about everything tomorrow. Kel is home, and Tommy will be home soon, so I should get dinner started.
