It’s Monday, and the morning has been pretty good. The dogs are doing well, Everest hasn’t tried to escape, and the girls are busy. I’ve been studying, though I’ve felt a bit restless and had some trouble focusing.

I received the email with the link to the parole hearing and reached out to confirm whether the 10:30 time was in Pacific Time, since that would make it a different time for me. I figured it probably was, but I wanted to be sure.

They got back to me. It is 10:30 Pacific. She mentioned that the email should include the date and time, but oddly, it doesn’t. It only has the link, ID, and password. I already knew the details, so it’s not a big deal, just a little strange.

I also made a doctor’s appointment to check what I think might be an ear infection. I’ll be going in on Thursday morning before Tommy, and then I’ll head down to the camera event in the city afterward.

Last weekend was pretty relaxing. We kept things low-key, mostly resting while I continue getting over this lingering cough. I’m still taking that awful cough medicine. On Saturday, we went to Costco to pick up Lexi’s birthday cake and grab a few things for the house. That evening, Tommy made enchiladas, and we had cake and ice cream afterward.

I was a little worried we might skip our workout since it was getting late, and I really want to keep our streak going. But we pulled it off; we started around 11 p.m., which gave us just enough time to count it for Saturday instead of Sunday. Tommy was falling asleep by the end; I had to keep nudging him awake whenever it was his turn.

Sunday was nice and easy. We spent most of the day on our computers, just relaxing at home, until it was time to head out for Tommy’s hockey game. He had the late game, and it turned out to be a great one. He was acting captain since the team captain was out.

I feel depressed right now. It’s like a heaviness has settled over everything, making even simple things feel harder than they should. I’m trying to study, trying to focus on what I need to do, but my mind keeps drifting. I’ll read something and realize I didn’t actually take any of it in, like the words just passed through me without sticking. It’s frustrating because I want to be productive, but I just can’t seem to get there.

There’s also this quiet loneliness that doesn’t really make sense on the surface. I’m not actually alone; there are people around me, life happening as usual, but it still feels like I’m on the outside of it somehow. Like, there’s a small distance between me and everything else that I can’t quite close right now. It’s hard to explain, but it makes everything feel a little more muted and disconnected.

I keep thinking about what I should be doing, what I need to get done, and instead of motivating me, it just makes me feel more stuck. Like I’m frozen in place, aware of time passing but not fully able to move with it.

I put the laundry away. I just needed to get up and do something, anything. It felt good to accomplish a small task. After that, I set up my planner for April and mapped out the week ahead. I’m going to try to study a bit more while I still have a few hours before everyone gets home.

I didn’t notice the time. I’m going to make myself some matcha tea and read for a bit. Sorry to be such a downer, I’m just not feeling it today.