Blank screens waiting for me to type sometimes make me anxious. It’s like there’s a quiet pressure to fill the space, even when I’m not sure where to start.

Karissa is nervous about tomorrow, they’re doing jury selection, and she’s worried about what the day will be like. I think I’m feeling my own version of that, too. I’m mostly nervous about getting there. On paper, it’s simple: we catch the bus at the community center, and it takes us straight to the courthouse. But I’ve never taken this bus before, so it feels unfamiliar. And we have to be at the bus stop early: 5:45 a.m., which is going to be rough. Getting Karissa up that early might be the hardest part of the whole morning.

I keep wondering how long jury selection actually takes. I know we’ll be there all day since the return bus isn’t until 5 p.m., but I’m not sure what I’ll do while she’s in the room. I’m planning ahead, though, I’ll bring my laptop, a book, and my notes so I can study. At least I won’t just be sitting there with nothing to do. I was also worried about food, but I looked it up, and there’s a coffee shop just a minute away from the courthouse that has drinks and food. That’s a relief, hopefully it’s not too expensive.

I had a quick video appointment with my sleep doctor today. He was happy with the data from my CPAP machine, which felt reassuring. He just wants to make a small adjustment, starting the higher pressure a little earlier since I fall asleep pretty quickly. The whole appointment was less than five minutes. I just need to remember to schedule a follow-up in three months.

I also have therapy in less than an hour. I’m not really sure what I’m going to talk about yet, but I guess I’ll figure it out once I’m there.

My day moved quickly. Mostly because everything revolved around my appointments. It felt like I spent more time waiting for them than actually being in them. I’m not sure I’ll have a journal post tomorrow because I will be at the courthouse, but I’ll do my best.

Therapy was okay. We talked about the anxiety I’m feeling about tomorrow, and also about the upcoming trip to Disney World. I am looking forward to it. I just think my excitement shows up a little differently. It tends to stay quiet when something is still far away, and even when I do feel excited, I have a hard time expressing it outwardly. I’m not sure why I keep it all inside.

I didn’t get into any trauma today. It’s not that there isn’t anything there. I just didn’t feel like going there this time.