Hello, June!

I may be a little biased, but June has always been one of my favorite months, probably because it’s my birthday month. As my birthday gets closer, I’m being asked what I want, and honestly, I have no idea. Maybe a gift card to JetPens so I can indulge my love of stationery, or maybe Sephora. Beyond that, I’m drawing a blank.

The cake question hasn’t been much easier. Kel asked me what kind of cake I wanted, and I still don’t have a solid answer. A blueberry lemon cake sounds good, but I’m not completely sold on it yet. I might spend some time scrolling through Pinterest and see if anything catches my eye. There are so many great cake ideas out there that I’m sure something will eventually jump out at me.

Even though everyone is talking about summer now, it’s technically still spring. Summer doesn’t officially arrive until June 21st, the longest day of the year. I have mixed feelings about summer. I love the sunny mornings, the bright blue skies, and the long stretches of daylight. There’s something uplifting about warm weather and being able to spend more time outside.

At the same time, I think it’s possible to have too much of a good thing. Summer can be relentless when the temperatures climb higher and higher. By July, I’m usually longing for a break from the heat. One thing I do appreciate about living here is that when it gets especially hot, the afternoon thunderstorms often roll in. It’s as if nature decides things have gotten a little out of hand and sends some clouds, rain, and rumbling thunder to cool everything down.

I have my computer back, and I’m so happy to be using it again! I have a new case, which is nice. The only downside is that this case doesn’t have Bluetooth capability, so I have to use a cable to connect my headphones. Unfortunately, I can’t find my wired cable anywhere. It’s usually kept in my headphone case, but it wasn’t there when I looked. I have no idea where it disappeared to. For now, I’m borrowing Tommy’s cable, but I’ll give it back to him later today.

We did some more cleaning over the weekend, well, on Friday and Sunday, anyway. On Saturday, we went over to a friend’s house for a gaming day. It was a lot of fun. We played a few games, spent some time in the pool, and just enjoyed hanging out.

On Sunday night, Tommy and I went to his hockey game. It was an exhibition game that didn’t count toward the standings, so everyone was in a playful mood. The players were being silly and having fun the entire time. The game ended with a shootout, and everyone got involved. Even the goalies and the referees participated, which made it especially entertaining to watch.

This morning, after Tommy and Kel left for work, I went back to sleep for a little while. I got up around 9:00, finished cleaning the bathroom, and took a shower. Now I’m sitting down with a cup of coffee and getting ready to start studying.

I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday because, once again, the dome from my hearing aid got stuck in my ear. It always seems to happen in my left ear. I was very careful when I removed my hearing aid on Friday night, but I heard a little pop and immediately realized the dome had come off and was left behind in my ear. So, on Wednesday morning, I’ll be having that removed.

I also have another doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Alex and I will ride down to the city with Tommy and Kel, and we’ll take the car to my appointment. Afterward, Alex and I will need to find somewhere to sit and wait until Tommy and Kel finish work. Hopefully, we can find a comfortable place to relax and pass the time while we wait.

Tommy and I were talking yesterday, and the subject of hobbies came up. Well, what actually was said was that he wished we could find something that I’m truly passionate about. The moment he said it, my mind went completely blank.

Aside from my family and friends, I honestly don’t know what I’m passionate about.

There are a lot of things I enjoy, but identifying one thing that feels like a true passion is difficult for me. I think part of the reason is that I’ve spent so much of my life focused on other people, doing what others wanted to do, taking care of responsibilities, and putting other people’s interests first. A few people demanded my attention. To the point where if I dared do something on my own, there would be a fight. Somewhere along the way, I stopped paying attention to what I wanted or what excited me.

I like reading, but I don’t know if I’d call it a passion. I’d like to learn more about photography. I’d like to learn how to draw. Both of those things interest me, but I’m not sure if they qualify as passions either.

When I was younger, I used to take pictures and scrapbook. I absolutely loved scrapbooking. I haven’t done it in so long, though, that I don’t even know how to get back into it. I don’t have any supplies anymore. Where would I even start?

But then I think about it, and maybe getting started isn’t as complicated as I’m making it. All I really need are my pictures, some markers, and something to put them in, a notebook, a scrapbook, even just some paper. Maybe it doesn’t have to be perfect.

I also love baking. Again, I’m not sure I’d call it a passion, but there’s definitely something there. I’ve been wanting to make a sourdough starter and learn how to bake sourdough bread. I want to make pan de sal, too. Every time I think about those projects, I get excited.

And then there’s crochet. I still want to learn how to crochet. I even have a beginner’s kit sitting around in the bedroom, and I haven’t started it yet. Maybe I’d discover that I’m passionate about it if I actually gave it a chance.

Maybe that’s part of the problem. Maybe I’m looking for passion as if it’s something that appears fully formed, when really it’s something that develops over time. Maybe passion isn’t something you find. Maybe it’s something you build by continuing to show up for the things that spark your curiosity.

When I ask myself what I was passionate about when I was younger, the answer comes pretty quickly: taking pictures and scrapbooking. Those were the things I gravitated toward naturally. Unfortunately, I only have one or two scrapbook spreads left from those years. Most of my scrapbooks have disappeared over time. I’m not even sure where they went. When you move around a lot, things get lost.

That makes me a little sad, but it also reminds me how much those hobbies meant to me. Even now, just talking about scrapbooking makes me feel excited. Maybe that’s a clue.

Scrapbooking. Junk journaling. Memory keeping. Whatever people are calling it these days, it all feels connected. I think “junk journaling” is the trendy name now, but at its heart it’s still the same thing: collecting little pieces of your life and preserving them in a creative way.

Another thing that comes to mind when I think about hobbies or doing something purely for myself is how much work it takes to unlearn all of the negative messages I’ve absorbed over the years. So often, when I want to spend time on something I enjoy, there is a voice in the back of my mind telling me that I shouldn’t be focusing on myself, that my time and energy should be spent on other people instead. Those thoughts can make it difficult to simply enjoy something for the sake of enjoyment.

I’m also realizing that just because I haven’t done a hobby in a long time doesn’t mean I stopped loving it. Life changes, responsibilities pile up, interests calm down and pick up, and sometimes there just isn’t enough time or energy. A pause is not the same thing as losing interest. It doesn’t erase the joy that hobby once brought me, and it doesn’t mean I can’t pick it back up again whenever I’m ready.

Part of this journey is learning to challenge those old beliefs and give myself permission to do things that bring me happiness without feeling guilty about it. I am reminding myself that my needs, interests, and passions matter too. I don’t have to earn the right to enjoy something, and I don’t have to justify spending time on activities that make me feel fulfilled. Reconnecting with old hobbies, or discovering new ones, is not selfish. It is an act of self-care, self-expression, and reclaiming parts of myself that may have been pushed aside for too long.

I need to get back to studying. I’ve been quizzing myself on vulnerabilities and malware, and I’m actually enjoying it. There’s something satisfying about testing my knowledge and seeing concepts start to connect together. At the same time, I keep worrying about how much of this information I’ll be able to retain. Every time I learn something new, a part of me wonders if I’m pushing out something I learned earlier.

There is such a wide range of material to cover that it can sometimes feel impossible to keep everything fresh in my mind at once. I’ll learn a new type of vulnerability, attack, or malware, and then suddenly find myself wondering if I still remember the concepts I studied a few weeks ago.

To help with that, I’ve been doing review quizzes in addition to learning new material. The review quizzes give me a chance to revisit older topics and reinforce what I’ve already learned instead of constantly moving forward. I’m hoping that by regularly testing myself, I can strengthen those connections and keep the information from fading away.

Sometimes I wish I had Tommy’s knack for tech. It all seems to come naturally to him, while I’m having to constantly quiz myself until things stick. Then I worry if things are even sticking. It’s not a competition, but sometimes I feel that I really need to prove to myself that I can do this.

Geez, I didn’t notice the time. It’s already 4. I’m going to wrap up this post.

Wow, I just got word that my family member, Ed, has passed away. Tommy and I went to visit him and his new wife last year, and I never imagined it would be the last time we’d see him. I’m still in shock. I’ve been sharing the news with other family members, and my heart is just so heavy right now. This is incredibly sad.