I wasn’t sure if I was going to write today. My mood has been a little all over the place, somewhere between good and meh. Nothing is particularly wrong, but I feel unsettled.

One thing that’s been bothering me is how often my attempts to keep the peace seem to backfire. I genuinely like seeing people happy, and I tend to go out of my way to avoid conflict when I can. But sometimes it feels like no matter how carefully I try to navigate a situation, I end up making things worse instead of better.

I also have a habit of stepping in when one of my friends has an unpopular opinion. I don’t necessarily agree with them every time, but I hate seeing people immediately pile on or get angry without trying to understand where they’re coming from. I find myself trying to smooth things over, explain their perspective, or encourage a little more patience and understanding. The problem is that this often backfires, too. Instead of helping, I somehow end up in the middle of the disagreement.

Maybe part of the issue is that not every situation needs a mediator. Sometimes people are going to disagree, and sometimes they’re going to be upset. Intellectually, I know that isn’t my responsibility to fix. Still, it’s difficult for me to sit back when I see tension building. I want everyone to get along, or at least leave a conversation feeling heard.

Today I’m feeling the weight of that tendency a little more than usual. I’m realizing that trying to manage everyone’s feelings is exhausting, especially when the outcome is often the opposite of what I hoped for. Maybe the lesson is learning where my responsibility ends and where other people’s reactions begin.

Oh, did I mention that I got a payment from the Facebook Consumer Privacy User Litigation settlement? They sent it to my PayPal account. The grand total was $7.31. Honestly, it’s kind of laughable. After all that, seven dollars and thirty-one cents! At least it was something, I guess. I was able to figure out how to transfer the money to the card I have linked to PayPal. It ended up being much easier to do on my computer than through the phone app, which was giving me more trouble than it was worth.

I also had my medication management appointment this morning. It was a pretty long appointment, but I actually came away feeling positive about it. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was talking to a psychiatrist who was genuinely interested in getting a complete picture of my history. She asked a lot of background questions, went over my current medications in detail, and took the time to understand what has and hasn’t worked for me in the past. It was probably the most thorough psychiatric appointment I’ve ever had.

We talked about a couple of possible medication changes. One option is increasing my Venlafaxine dose, and another is trying a non-stimulant ADHD medication that could help with my focus and inattention. Nothing has been decided yet, but it feels good to be discussing options and looking at ways to improve some of the challenges I’ve been having.

Some of the questions about my past and trauma were a little uncomfortable to answer. Even though it wasn’t easy, I think I handled the conversation well and answered the questions honestly. By the end of the appointment, I noticed I was getting pretty bad cotton mouth. Next time, I’m definitely going to keep my bottle of water next to me so I can take a drink when that starts happening.

I have a follow-up appointment scheduled for next month to continue talking about medications and see where we want to go from here. I’m interested to see what the next steps will be and whether any changes end up helping with my focus and overall symptoms.

Today is leg day in weightlifting. Ugh. I’ve never been particularly fond of leg day. For some reason, I enjoy working my upper body much more than my lower body. Maybe it’s because leg workouts always seem to leave me exhausted, or maybe I’m just impatient when it comes to squats and lunges.

Lately, though, my Instagram algorithm has started showing me videos from a few women bodybuilders. I’m not entirely sure how they ended up on my feed, but I’ve actually been enjoying the content. They’ve shared some helpful tips about lifting form, training techniques, and building strength, and it’s been interesting to learn from people who are so dedicated to the sport.

I still can’t say I’m excited about leg day, but those videos have at least made me think more about my workouts and how I can improve. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll stop dreading leg day quite so much.

I’m currently listening to the Final Fantasy XI Original Soundtrack. It brings back a strong sense of nostalgia. Although I no longer play the game, I still find myself returning to its music from time to time. The tracks transport me back to Vana’diel. I’m still friends with many of the same people that I played XI with and now play XIV. During lunch, I went through a bunch of CDs. I wrote down the names of bands and artists that I want to look up on Apple Music.

I’m going to read a bit of Taran Wanderer until everyone comes home. I think we are fending tonight. So that makes dinner easy.