I don’t have much to write about today. At least, I can’t think of much to write about. Nothing particularly interesting has happened, and no big thought is rattling around in my head that I need to get onto the page.

I’m feeling okay today. Mostly. I’m a little paranoid, though, and I’m not even sure what I’m being paranoid about. That’s probably the strangest part. There isn’t a specific thing I’m worried about. No particular person, situation, or event that I can point to and say, That’s what’s making me feel this way. It’s just this vague feeling that I should be on guard.

I keep wanting to put myself into a bubble and avoid everything. Shut out the world. Keep everything contained and predictable. I locked all the doors, even though there’s really no reason to think I need to. I’m not wearing my headphones because I want to be able to hear what’s going on in the house.

And believe me, absolutely nothing is going on in the house. Karissa is doing her homework. The dogs are outside. The cats and Mimi are sleeping in the office. I’m sitting here studying. That’s it. Nothing mysterious. Nothing dangerous. Nothing happening that I need to be listening for.

And yet, some part of my brain seems convinced that I need to stay alert anyway.

It’s an odd feeling when your rational mind and your nervous system aren’t quite on the same page. I can look around and see that everything is perfectly normal, but there’s still that little voice in the back of my head saying, Stay aware. Don’t get too comfortable. Something could happen.

The funny thing is that I don’t even know what “something” is.

Maybe that’s why I’m writing about it. I don’t have a big story today, but this feeling is here, and I suppose that’s enough of a reason to put it into words. Sometimes there doesn’t have to be a dramatic event or a profound realization. Sometimes the most honest thing you can write is simply, Today I feel a little strange, and I’m not entirely sure why.

So that’s where I am today. I’m okay. I’m studying. Everyone and everything around me is fine. The house is quiet. The dogs are outside, the cats are sleeping, Karissa is doing her homework, and I’m here.

The thing is, I’m not sure if it’s the Ritalin that is causing my paranoia or if it’s just my anxiety.

Alex came by today. Kel said he needed kitty litter. I think there was some in the garage. I had to let him in cause everything was locked. He and Karissa then went to McDonald’s. I didn’t have McDonald’s. I had my usual eggs and toast. Which is cool; I certainly didn’t feel like fast food today.

I’m having some apple spice hot tea right now, and it smells so good! There’s something about that warm apple-and-spice scent that instantly makes everything feel cozy and autumnal. And looking outside, it really does look like fall has arrived. It’s cloudy and windy, and I love this kind of weather. There’s just something about a gray, blustery day that makes me want to curl up with a hot cup of tea, put on something cozy, and enjoy being inside. I had to use the word “blustery”. It reminds me of Winnie the Pooh.

I need to start thinking about dinner soon, too. I’m planning on making garlic and smoked paprika chicken breasts, cornbread stuffing, and some kind of vegetable… although I haven’t decided which one yet. Maybe green beans.

I’m going to finish studying and then start on dinner later. Maybe around 5:30, I will start on dinner. Oh, it’s raining now. I’m going to bring the dogs in now.