In psychology, there’s a term called the Zeigarnik effect. It refers to the tendency for people to remember interrupted or unfinished tasks more easily than completed ones. Put simply, unfinished things continue occupying the mind. What remains undone lingers somewhere in the background, quietly demanding attention.

I haven’t set up my planner or written in it all week. It’s not because I don’t want to. I do want to set up my planner. I actually enjoy planning. Under normal circumstances, it’s calming for me. It gives structure to the noise in my head and makes life feel more manageable. But this week has been full. There was the holiday, appointments, making appointments, studying, watching the animals, laundry, and all the other small responsibilities that pile up faster than you realize. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I just never got around to opening my planner.

Now that I finally have the time, though, I’m procrastinating.

That’s the frustrating part. Why would I procrastinate on something I genuinely enjoy?

The task itself is not vague, difficult, or especially high-pressure. Still, with ADHD, I wonder if this is a form of executive dysfunction. Executive dysfunction is essentially an impairment in the brain’s management system. It affects a person’s ability to plan, organize, transition between tasks, manage time, regulate emotions, and maintain focus. Even when someone wants to do something, the brain can struggle to initiate the process of actually starting.

I don’t take medication for my ADHD. Honestly, I’m scared to. I’ve heard about so many possible side effects. At the same time, my bipolar medication has side effects too, and I’ve accepted those. Still, I often tell myself my ADHD “isn’t severe enough” to require medication, even when I’m clearly struggling with planning, focus, and task initiation.

What makes this more confusing is that I genuinely like planning. But enjoyment alone doesn’t automatically make a task accessible to an ADHD brain. The fun part only starts once I’m already doing it. Before that, there are invisible steps that other people may not even notice: gathering supplies, clearing space, remembering where I left off, deciding what to prioritize, transitioning out of what I’m currently doing, and mentally settling into a different mode of thinking. Each step requires energy and executive functioning.

For an overwhelmed ADHD brain, those steps can feel enormous.

The longer I avoid planning, the harder it becomes to start. Not because the task itself grows more difficult, but because my emotional relationship to it changes. At first, planning is something I want to do. After days of avoiding it, though, it transforms into something I should have already done. It becomes mentally loaded. The planner starts to symbolize disorganization, avoidance, and failure to “keep up.” Instead of feeling calm, it starts making me anxious.

And I know that once I finally sit down to plan, the first few minutes are going to feel uncomfortable. My brain will still be vibrating with thoughts about everything else I could or should be doing instead. Even while trying to organize my life, part of my mind will insist that I’m wasting time by not immediately tackling something more urgent.

That internal tension makes starting feel strangely threatening, even when the activity itself is harmless.

There’s also something discouraging about identifying yourself as a procrastinator. Once that label settles into your self-image, taking action can start to feel heavier and more emotionally charged. And when you’re a capable person, that feeling is especially painful. You know what needs to be done. You know how to do it. The task may even be relatively simple. Yet somehow, you still cannot make yourself begin.

Then the anxiety creeps in.

The overwhelm follows close behind.

Suddenly, planning no longer feels like a helpful or enjoyable activity. It feels intimidating. I start believing that I need to do other things first before I can even open the planner. I need to clean something, finish something else, answer messages, mentally prepare, or somehow earn the right to begin. The activation energy required becomes larger and larger in my mind.

And all the while, the unfinished task continues sitting quietly in the background, occupying space in my thoughts, exactly the way the Zeigarnik effect says unfinished things do.

I went back to sleep after Tommy and Kel left for work, and when I finally woke up, it was later than I wanted. Now I feel that familiar pressure creeping in, the feeling that I need to jump straight into studying and push everything else aside. So the planner gets pushed back. Again.

But I am going to set up my planner today. Maybe not first thing this morning, and maybe not perfectly, but I will make time for it. During lunch, I’m going to step away for a break and work on my planner then. It doesn’t have to happen all at once to still matter.

For now, the priority is getting started instead of staying stuck in the frustration of waking up late. The morning didn’t go exactly how I wanted, but the day is not ruined because of that. I still have time. I still have a plan.

So that’s what I’m going to do: get some coffee, sit down, and study.

My day has mostly revolved around studying; pretty much from morning until now. I haven’t set up my planner yet, but I’m planning to sit down and do that in a little while once I feel a bit more settled.

Meanwhile, the house has turned into a full cleaning zone. Alexis is deep cleaning the pantry right now. She completely emptied everything out, cleaned all the shelves, and even swept and mopped the floor. She’s really going all out with it. Karissa is waiting for her to finish so she can tackle cleaning the fridge afterward. Watching everyone be so productive honestly makes me feel like I should probably be cleaning too. Haha.

Alex just left for work not too long ago.

This afternoon, I made myself some coffee, mostly to help curb my appetite while I studied. I also made a PB&J sandwich, which I made on the dining room table since the kitchen is a bit full right now. Lexi has emptied the pantry into the kitchen while she is cleaning the pantry.

I think I’m done studying for the day. The pantry is looking really good now. Alexis is currently organizing the food and putting everything back into the pantry. I decided that Karissa will handle the fridge tomorrow since she can’t really get into the kitchen right now. This way, she can start in the morning and take her time with it if she wants, without feeling rushed. Tom will be getting out of work late tonight, so I won’t need to start dinner until a bit in the evening.