September always makes me think about back-to-school time, and I have to admit, I kind of miss buying school supplies. There was always something exciting about walking through the store and seeing all the new notebooks, pens, pencils, folders, and little things you never really needed but somehow wanted anyway. I know that sounds silly, but I genuinely enjoyed it.

Alexis actually bought school supplies from JetPens this year, which I thought was really cool. Seeing her order everything reminded me how much I used to enjoy that whole process. Karissa, somehow, still has enough school supplies that she didn’t need to buy anything. I’m not sure how she managed that, but apparently she has been hoarding school supplies all these years without me realizing it!

I definitely don’t miss back-to-school clothes shopping, though. Clothes shopping has never been my favorite thing. I find it more annoying than fun. Give me a notebook aisle and a display full of pens, though, and suddenly I’m interested.

We used to keep a big tote full of school supplies that the kids could go through whenever they needed something. It had everything in it, paper, pencils, pens, glue, scissors, folders, and probably a dozen other things. If someone suddenly realized they needed a poster board or a fresh pack of pencils for a project, they could just go dig through the tote. It was such a simple idea, but it worked really well. Of course, we don’t have that anymore because we don’t really need a giant stash of school supplies sitting around the house. Still, I kind of miss seeing that tote. It was one of those little signs that the kids were growing up and that our house was always full of school projects, homework, and busy schedules.

It’s Monday, and I spent part of the day doing laundry. I had actually planned to have Karissa do my laundry yesterday while Tommy and I were at a friend’s house, but I completely forgot to tell her. So much for that plan! I ended up doing it today instead.

This weekend was a good one, though. Saturday, Tommy and I went on a hike. It was a really nice hike, and I especially enjoyed walking through the forest. There’s something about being surrounded by trees and getting away from everything for a little while that I really enjoy. It was peaceful, and it felt good to just walk and take everything in.

When we got home, Tommy took a nap while I played on my computer. Ritalin keeps me awake, so while he was sleeping, I was perfectly content to sit there and play for a while.

Kel had decided she wanted to go hiking too, but she chose to go by herself. She thought the hike was going to be easy, but it turned out to be much harder than she expected. Unfortunately, she also didn’t bring enough water with her. I was pretty worried about her, especially once I realized how difficult the hike had been. Thankfully, she made it back down safely. She came home a little after Tommy and me.

Later that evening, we just relaxed. We watched a little TV, played on our computers, and had a pretty quiet night. Nothing particularly exciting, but it was nice.

Sunday, Tommy and I went over to a friend’s house to watch football and play some games. Kel already had plans, so she didn’t come with us. We played a game called Vikings Gone Wild. It was cute, and overall I liked it. It was a fun enough game, although I thought the victory-point system made the game feel a little lopsided.

If someone really focused on getting victory points, the game could end way too quickly. Then you barely have a chance to buy the buildings you actually want because suddenly the game is over. I think there’s probably a fun game underneath all of that, but it felt like the strategy could become a little too obvious. Still, I enjoyed playing it. I just wish there had been more time for everyone to actually build up their little Viking worlds before the game ended.

We also got into the pool for a little while. Unfortunately, the weather changed very quickly. We started seeing lightning, so we got out of the pool pretty quickly. We were probably only in there for about ten minutes, but it was still nice to get in for a little while.

After that, we had dinner, watched more football, and eventually left for Tommy’s hockey game. It was a good game, and they won! Tommy even scored a goal, which made it even better. It was a nice way to end the weekend.

Kel has been having a difficult time with both of her parents being gone now. I understand that kind of loss. I’ve lost my dad and my husband, so I know how strange and painful it can feel when the people who have always been part of your life are suddenly no longer there. Everyone experiences grief differently, of course, but there are certain parts of it that I recognize.

She’s been telling me that I should call my mom. I actually did talk to my mom a few weeks ago. It was a very short conversation, probably only about a minute, but we talked. I think that counts for something.

My relationship with my mom is complicated. It’s difficult because we’re so strained, and we never really developed the kind of close relationship that I think other mothers and daughters sometimes have. Even though things seem better right now, especially since she’s on mood medication and seems to be doing better, that doesn’t automatically create a closeness that was never really there. I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s not necessarily that I don’t care about her. I do. It’s just that there’s a distance between us that has existed for a very long time.

Still, it is nice to be able to say hi and see how she’s doing. I don’t need every conversation to suddenly fix our relationship or turn us into the kind of mother and daughter who talk every day. Sometimes it can just be a simple, “Hi, how are you?” and that’s okay.

The girls have been talking to her too, which I think is good. It’s nice that she still has that connection with them. Maybe right now, that’s enough, just keeping the little connections going where we can, without forcing anything to be more than it naturally is.

So that was pretty much my weekend: hiking through the forest, board games, football, a very short swim before the lightning showed up, hockey, laundry, and a little bit of thinking about how quickly life changes. September has a funny way of bringing all of that to the surface. The kids are grown, the school-supply tote is gone, and our lives look very different from what they used to. But every once in a while, something as simple as seeing a pile of new notebooks or pencils can bring back an entire season of life.

I’m hoping to go to the store later and pick up my medications. I have two prescriptions that are ready, and there’s one more that I’m going to be out of next week, so I’d like to get everything taken care of while I’m there rather than having to make another trip. While I’m at Walmart, I might also ask if they sell stamps. The Walmart I worked at in California sold them, so I’m pretty sure the Walmart here does too. I need a stamp so I can mail Tommy’s paperwork to his insurance company. I also need to get the mail while I’m out.

I had originally planned on walking down to get the mail, but I was told that I should keep studying instead, so that’s what I did. And honestly, I’m glad I did. My focus wasn’t too bad today, which feels like a little victory. Studying can be difficult when there are a million other things competing for my attention, so having a day where I can actually sit down and concentrate is nice. I’m trying to take advantage of those days when they happen.

Oh, and I have my medication management appointment tomorrow. That will give me a chance to talk to her about the Ritalin and how things seem to be going with it. Overall, I think it’s going alright. I have noticed some instances of irritability, though, and that has been annoying. I’m not entirely sure what to make of it or what I’m supposed to do about it. My Venlafaxine normally helps take the edge off my tendency toward irritability, so it’s something I definitely want to mention at the appointment.

The harder part is that I’m not always very good at describing exactly what I’m feeling. Sometimes I know that something feels different or that I’m reacting differently, but putting that feeling into words is another matter entirely. I worry that I’ll sit there tomorrow and struggle to explain what has been happening. Hopefully, I can get everything across well enough for her to understand what I mean. I think it helps that she seems like a genuinely good psychiatrist. Out of the psychiatrists I’ve seen before, she has been the easiest for me to talk to, and I feel like I can actually be honest with her without having to overthink every little thing I say. That makes a big difference.

For now, though, I think I’m going to make myself some tea and relax for a little while. I’ve been wanting to start Dungeon Crawler Carl, but I have two books that just came in from the library: The Mysterious Bakery on Rue de Paris and Problematic Summer Romance. They both look like they’ll be fairly quick reads, so I might read those first and then move on to Dungeon Crawler Carl. Tommy says he actually owns Dungeon Crawler Carl, so there’s no real reason for me to rush through it. I can take my time.

I’m still thinking about my reading goal for the year, too. I’ve read 14 books so far, which is pretty good by itself. I’d love to make it to 25 books this year, and I still have some time left, so maybe I can do it. If I make it to 25, that would be great. If I don’t, though, that’s okay too. Fourteen books is still fourteen books, and I’ve enjoyed quite a few of them. I’d rather enjoy what I’m reading than turn reading into another thing I have to rush through just to hit a number.

I was also thinking about Christmas cards. I’d really like to start working on them in November this year so I can actually get them sent out on time. Last year, I didn’t do Christmas cards at all because I waited too long to get started. Once December rolled around, it just felt like there wasn’t enough time to organize everything and get them done the way I wanted.

This year, I’d like to give myself a head start. Starting in November seems reasonable. I can think about who I want to send cards to, pick out the cards, get the stamps, address everything, and hopefully have them ready to go before December gets too hectic. I actually like the idea of doing Christmas cards; I just need to start early enough that they don’t become a last-minute project.

It’s raining and thundering here. I have the dogs inside now. Ok, I’m going to make myself some tea now and relax. Karissa is making dinner tonight. We are having some orange chicken.