I had my medication management appointment today, and I’m glad I was able to talk openly about how I’ve been feeling on Ritalin and how it has been affecting me. I told her about the irritability I’ve been experiencing and also explained that the Ritalin does seem to raise my blood pressure.

Because of that, she prescribed Guanfacine, which can be used to help manage ADHD symptoms and can also lower blood pressure. She said that it may also help with some of the irritability I’ve been experiencing. For now, she doesn’t want to increase my Venlafaxine. She would rather wait and see how I respond to the Guanfacine before making any other changes to my medications. I have another appointment with her in two weeks so we can see how things are going and decide what, if anything, needs to be adjusted.

I have to admit that being on all of these medications makes me a little nervous. Anytime I start something new, I worry about how my body will react and whether I’ll experience side effects. At the same time, I know that my provider is trying to find the right combination to help me, and I need to give the process some time. I’m going to try to trust the process, pay attention to how I’m feeling, and communicate with her about anything I notice.

She also talked to me about therapy. She said that with the combination of bipolar, anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD that I’m dealing with, she would really like me to be back in therapy. I told her that I’m already on a waiting list, but I don’t know how long I’m going to have to wait. Tommy suggested that I look around the city to see if there are therapists who accept my insurance. Maybe there is someone else I can get in with sooner.

I think that may be something I need to take into my own hands instead of simply waiting and hoping that the therapist I’m currently waiting for becomes available soon. I know I need the support, and if there are other options available, it makes sense to look into them. I just don’t know how long the wait will be, and when I’m struggling this much with anxiety, waiting can feel like a really long time.

Right now, my anxiety is pretty high. This morning, I tried to walk down to the mailbox to get the mail. It sounds like such a small and simple thing, but I only made it as far as the driveway before I started having a panic attack. I ended up turning around and walking back inside.

Sometimes I just have a really hard time leaving the house by myself. Even something as ordinary as walking to the mailbox can feel overwhelming when my anxiety gets that high. I came back inside, locked the garage, and went into the office. It’s strange because I know there isn’t really anything happening in the house. Everything is quiet. Nothing is going on. And yet, my brain still feels like it needs to be prepared for something.

I even have my hearing aids on today because I want to be able to hear what is happening around me. Again, though, there really isn’t anything happening. The house is quiet, and I’m just sitting here using the speakers on my computer. I recognize that some of this is my anxiety trying to convince me that I need to stay alert and be prepared, even when there is no immediate reason to be.

Hopefully, I can make it to Walmart today and pick up my new medication. I also need to remember to see if they sell stamps while I’m there. And then, I want to stop and get the mail. Tommy said we can go today when he gets home. Yesterday, he came home too late, and the pharmacy was already closed.

We’re having pollo asada tacos tonight. It’s a pretty easy dinner.