I had my first therapy session today. Technically, we mostly went over my service plan, so the actual therapy will begin during my next session. Still, I’m feeling pretty good about my therapist so far. She’s really nice, easy to talk to, and seems like someone I can feel comfortable opening up to. That’s definitely a good start.

She incorporates EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) into her sessions. EMDR is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy designed to help people process distressing memories and experiences. I’m still a little on the fence about whether it actually works, though. I’ve tried EMDR therapy before, and honestly, I didn’t feel like it did much for me. But I’m willing to give it another chance. Maybe having a different therapist will make a difference, or perhaps this experience will be different in some way. I’m trying to keep an open mind and see where it goes. Sometimes, you have to give things another shot.

We did a little bit of therapy today, too. One of the things we worked on was creating my “safe space.” The idea is to imagine a place where you feel comfortable, peaceful, and safe… a place you can mentally return to when you need to feel grounded.

I chose a meadow surrounded by a forest. And yes, it absolutely had to be the meadow! If I picked the forest itself, I’d probably feel claustrophobic. Which is funny because being in a forest has never actually been a problem for me, but apparently, my imaginary safe space has some very specific requirements!

There’s just one little complication: I can’t actually picture things in my head.

I know what a tree looks like. I can recognize one, describe one, and tell you what makes it a tree. But if someone tells me to close my eyes and picture a tree, I can’t actually see it in my mind. There’s no mental image. It’s just… nothing visually.

So when my therapist asked me to imagine my peaceful meadow, I had a bit of a problem. How am I supposed to picture a meadow when I can’t picture anything at all?

Naturally, I had to look this up, and I discovered that the inability to voluntarily create mental images is called aphantasia. I had no idea there was a name for it! It was interesting to learn that people experience mental imagery differently, and some people don’t see pictures in their minds the way others do.

Now, Tommy says I need to practice. So, naturally, I’ve been trying all day to picture something in my head. A tree, a meadow, anything! So far, I’m not having much luck, but I’m giving it a try. I have extremely colorful, vivid dreams. When it comes to simply closing my eyes to visualize. It’s all darkness.

I’m not sure how this is going to work out, especially when the whole point is to imagine a place that makes me feel safe and relaxed. But I suppose we’ll figure it out together. Maybe there’s another way for me to experience that sense of calm without actually seeing pictures in my mind. But I’m going to keep trying to picture something in my head!

One step at a time. One session at a time. And apparently, one imaginary meadow at a time.

I got a notification that I have an ENT appointment (ear, nose, and throat) on the 27th. Funny, I forgot. Didn’t put it in the calendar and already have two appointments that day. But it isn’t with my last ENT doctor because he retired. I’m going to call and cancel that appointment and talk to them about referring me to another doctor closer to where I live, since they are really far out there.

My ear hurts. It’s like a dull pain. I should take something for the pain, but it is tolerable. My stomach is not feeling the greatest because of the antibiotics.

Final Fantasy XIV had a security breach. So I changed my password. It’s a hard password now. I was lazy about changing it, even though my past password was too easy. But really, I know better than to have an easy password. Even if it’s a pain.

Did you know that Winnie the Pooh is 100 years old and has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? Well, now you do.

I spent a little time working on my memory journal during my lunch break today. I had to refer back to my journal to find the dates of certain events and vacations, which reminded me how important it is to keep track of these moments as they happen. One of my goals for next year is to be more consistent with my memory journal instead of putting it off for months and then having to backtrack to remember all the details.

I need to start on dinner here in a few. We’re having orange chicken, rice, and veggies.