I was scrolling through Substack during lunch and came across a picture of one of those old Disney Princess TVs. Alexis had one when she was little. Karissa had a Mickey Mouse TV. Seeing them instantly brought back a flood of memories from when the girls were young.

Lately, I’ve been realizing that I need some kind of separation between memories. The memories of my girls, the happy family moments, and even my memories of my thirties in general often get tangled up with memories of my ex. Because he was such a part of that decade of my life, it sometimes feels like my entire thirties have been tainted by the relationship. I know that’s not entirely true, but it’s hard to separate the good memories from the painful ones.

When I think about those years, I don’t just want to remember him. I want to remember raising my daughters, the little things that made those years special, and the person I was outside of that relationship. Those memories belong to me, too. Sometimes I feel like I need to reclaim them somehow.

I also had my last therapy session with my therapist today. It feels strange not having a therapist anymore and not having that regular space to talk things through. I’m currently on a waiting list for a new therapist. Overall, I think I’m doing okay. Life feels stable, and I don’t feel like I’m struggling the way I have at other points in my life. But there are still moments when I wish I had therapy available, a place to process thoughts like these and sort through the things that still linger beneath the surface.

For now, I suppose I’m in an in-between place: doing fine, but still recognizing that there are parts of my story I’m trying to understand, untangle, and make peace with.

The kids went to the store to pick up a few things for dinner tonight. We’re having meatloaf. I’m trying to think of something nice to say about meatloaf, but I’m coming up short. It’s never been one of my favorite meals, but the kids requested it, so meatloaf it is. I’ll have a small piece and do my best to be a good sport about it.

The good news is that Karissa’s passport finally arrived in the mail! That was one of the last things we were waiting on, so it’s a huge relief to have that checked off the list. No more worrying about passports or wondering if everything will arrive in time.

I also just realized that I haven’t eaten anything yet today. The kids came home, everyone started talking, and I got completely distracted. Before I knew it, lunchtime had come and gone, and I still hadn’t made myself anything. So I’m going to take a break now and go make a sandwich before I get any hungrier. Hopefully, that will hold me over until dinner. Meatloaf and all.

I hadn’t even noticed what time it was. I’ve been studying for hours, completely lost in it. Everest has been curled up next to me the entire time, sleeping peacefully while I worked. Having her nearby makes long study sessions feel a little less lonely.

I think I’m going to spend some time reading now and give my brain a break. Tommy has band practice tonight, so the evening is pretty open for me. I’m not entirely sure what I want to do with the rest of it.

Maybe I’ll just keep reading. Or maybe I’ll log into Final Fantasy XIV for a while. It’s been quite some time since I last played, and part of me misses wandering around Eorzea and getting lost in the game for a few hours.